Monday, May 11, 2015

In the mood to have a baby... or not

So, I'm at that age.  You know the age.  The age where people start commenting on how many viable eggs you might have left.  The age where you look around and realize that all the impediments (school, mostly, but also money) have been removed, and, yeah... it looks like it's about time.  But is it?


I'm not ready for this!  Or am I?

I think that on any given day, I have the following thoughts/feelings:

  • I 100% want to have kids in general.  Someday.
  • Or maybe it's 75%?  Would it really be the end of the world to not have kids?
  • No, I definitely want kids.  At some point.
  • I WANT A BABY NOW.
  • Ew, babies are gross.  Motherhood is gross.  Bodies are gross.  Pooping on the delivery room table is gross.  
  • But... yeah, I want a kid.  Just not today.
  • But shouldn't we just start trying?  Because you never know?
  • Jesus, what if I can't get pregnant?
  • Maybe I should do some research.
  • RESEARCHING FERTILITY IS TERRIBLE.  DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN.
  • Oh God, we definitely should start "trying."
  • Ew, that phrase is gross.
  • But Brian's going to be an awesome dad.  I can't wait to see that.
  • He's going to be a total pushover.  I hope we have a girl who has his curly hair.  She's going to hate me for that.
  • Ew, soccer games.  Helicopter parenting.  Peanut allergies.  Rice cereal.
  • Well, I am NOT going to do all of that shit.  I am going to be the coolest parent.  None of that hyper-anxious bullshit for me.  
  • Should I read one of those books?  Should I change my diet?  Ugh, whatever.  I'm cool the way I am, I don't need to prep for pregnancy.  Hell, let's just do this.
  • Ugh, I won't be able to take my precious meds.  My asthma is going to freak out.  
  • [After reading blog posts about babies, looking at pictures of babies, seeing babies out in the world] Awwwww, I want a baby.
  • I haven't gotten pregnant yet, even though we're not trying.  That definitely probably means that I can't get pregnant at all.
  • But holy shit, health insurance!  My job!  My husband doesn't have a job yet!  HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?
  • Seriously, how am I supposed to both work and have children?
  • Why can't I just quit my job?  I'll be a mommy blogger and spend my copious free time renovating my house, cooking gorgeous, healthy meals, and generally being fabulous.  I'll go to the gym every day and I'll have a rockin' bod and a beautiful house.
  • Ugh.  That's not real.  Besides, I make good money.  I can't afford not to work and ain't nobody gonna pay me to blog.  Or go to the gym.
  • I want a puppy.  Or a tiny pink pig!
  • Would it be overkill to have a baby and get a puppy?  
  • Nursery decorating!
  • I'm definitely ready.  We should just start trying now.
  • But...
So, yeah.  I think I'm 100% certain that I'm ready to get pregnant about 30% of the time.  So does the fact that I still am not 100% certain 100% of the time mean I should wait?  Or, does the fact that I have moments of 100% certainty mean I'm ready, because it's never a perfect time, etc.?

Blerg.

It's all going to make sense at some point.  I'll have this sweet little narrative about how I was so uncertain, and then something happened, and I became certain.  Or whatever.  But for now, the whole thing grosses me out/ fascinates me/ I can't wait/ never/ ew!


Source. (Pinterest - original source unknown.)

Are you ever really ready?  How close to "ready" do you have to come before you know you're ready?  Why do I keep repeating myself?  Is it better to just get knocked up and figure it out later?

Friday, May 8, 2015

In the mood for deep thoughts

There's this funny thing about aging that makes us self-conscious and embarrassed.  It seems to arise especially when we're made aware of some new trend that we didn't realize was a thing until someone younger and hipper points it out.  Or, when we look around and realize that we have no idea what the trends are.  Like normcore.  Brian and I were discussing normcore the other day.  He thought it was dressing normal, like flip flops and cargo shorts.  I think that it's dressing normal... for 1993.  Like Jerry Seinfeld... in 1993.  But the truth is, neither of us really know.  In order to find out, we'd have to do some research, and we still wouldn't *get* it.  The kids, they get it.  Like, they probably know that normcore is, like, so last year.

When I was a teenager, my dad warned me that the minute you graduate high school, you start to lose touch with what's popular.  "No way, man!"  I said, "I'm always gonna know what's cool!"

But he was right!  It started immediately.  By the time I started college, I was less in touch with what was cool than I was just a few months before.  Teenagers don't have to research what's cool, they know what it is just by living and breathing.  They can explain it, sure, but so much of pop culture just simply can't be explained with words.  Maybe it's because they're so hyper aware of themselves and where they fit in the world, maybe it's because they have more time on their hands, maybe it's crippling insecurity or hormone shifts.  Who knows?  But it's true.  They know what's cool, and I don't.  And it's all because I'm getting older.  And it's only going to get worse.

Aging is kind of embarrassing.  Think about it.  We change, and we can't control it.  For some reason, most of us picture ourselves as young.  I think it's because we become self-aware (and self-obsessed) as teenagers, so that's the self we identify as.  And when that self starts to change, we take notice.  Now, we can intentionally change that self.  We can change our hair and make-up, we can change our clothes, and the way we walk.  But that's a choice.  Aging, however, changes us, and is completely out of our control.  And I think it's that lack of control that makes us feel embarrassed.  We think of ourselves as being young, but when something forces us to see the difference between what we picture and what we are, we're ever so slightly shaken by that realization.  Not because there's anything wrong with the way that we look or act, but because it's different from the self we picture in our heads.

That sense of embarrassment can manifest itself in any number of ways.  Brian and I are always a little awkward around teenagers.  It's too close for comfort, and yet so foreign.  And the numbers always trip us out.  We ordered drinks at Starbucks from a kid who was born in 1997.  I can't explain to you why we felt the need to tell him that we were in high school when he was born.  (Shit, I was already a rebellious teenage asshole when he was born.)  It's that sense of embarrassment that comes from being faced with the reality that differs so significantly from the picture in our heads.  But I'm guessing that it gets easier with each passing year.  I'm also guessing that it increases at a faster rate once you have kids.  Because really, who gives a shit what teenagers think is cool when you have a baby?

But seriously, what is cool with the kids these days?  Because I have no idea.

Friday, May 1, 2015

In the mood to go thrifting!

I love me a good thrift store.  In Tampa, Sunshine Thrift is my favorite.  But there's also a good Goodwill near my house.  The other day, Brian and I found ourselves across town, right near a thrift shop I used to frequent when I was but a teenager in the early 1990s.  It's where I used to buy my jeans (that I would cut-off and distress) and my plaid flannel shirts.  That's right, kids, I was on trend in 1993, even in Tampa, where wearing flannel is not exactly comfortable.

So, thrift store furniture.  Some people might think it's gross.  When I was living in Long Beach, I mentioned to a work friend that I needed to get to the thrift store to furnish my new apartment, and he grimaced, and said, "Well, Ikea's not that expensive, is it?"  But that's not the point, you know?  It's not just about being cheap, (although hopefully it is), it's about getting a unique piece for your house.  I've furnished all of my various apartments over the years, as well as our current house, with a mixture of hand-me-down, second-hand, thrift, craigslist, Ikea, and new items.  I wouldn't do it any other way!

During this trip, I wasn't in the market for any furniture (sad emoji), but I found some good stuff and I thought I'd share.  Disclaimer: it's a thrift store, so obviously this stuff is going to need some work.  But, if the lines are good, and the price is right, why not? If you need any further encouragement, or vision for what a grungy thrift store piece can turn into, read Emily Henderson's blog.  I'm actually trying to train myself to be more Emily-like in my vision.

Let's go!


High-backed settee.  I think it was about $75.  Not too expensive, and while I'd definitely have it recovered and add some new legs, it's pretty great.  Check out Emily Henderson's post on reupholstering vintage furniture.  (I regret not taking a close-up of the pink chairs in the upper right hand corner of the above picture - they were dining chairs, completely upholstered and reminded me a little bit of this.  They were in bad shape and would have had to be immediately recovered, and I could never have them since my cats would destroy them within seconds, but they were sweet.)


Likewise, this little $35 tufted armchair is pretty sweet.  It might work as-is (the fabric wasn't in bad shape) but it would look lovely in an ivory linen.


Oh hey, $20 desk!  Your top is in bad shape, but you're pretty cute.  This one was small, too, so it would be perfect for a kids room.  I love those drawer pulls.  And, with the ruined top, it might be just the perfect opportunity to try a resin top project, like Jenny's faux-tortoise shell!


Um, hi.  Marble-topped side tables.  A pair of them.  In good shape.  They were $50/each but totally worth it.  The wood isn't my favorite, but painted black?  Get out.  I regret not buying these.  I really do.


Another desk, sorry for the bad pic.  What you need to know about this desk is that it's really big, really solid, has mid-century tapered legs, and was only $30.  Sure, it's faux wood laminate, but hey, nobody's perfect.  Besides, you can always paint laminate.  



Here's a cute little faux-bamboo dresser.


With matching mirror.  It needs to be cleaned and painted, but for $40, it's not bad.


And finally, this set.




A table and five chairs, made in Indonesia, for $250.  A little pricey for me, but to its credit, it's a nice set.  I kinda wished I had space for it.  You could do some fun ikat seat cushions and stick it on your porch.  That's what I'd do anyway.

So what about you?  Any good thrifting lately?  Sometimes I want to start a business where I buy stuff from thrift stores, re-do it all cool and then sell it.  That's a good thing to do with a law degree, right?