I'm not ready for this! Or am I?
I think that on any given day, I have the following thoughts/feelings:
- I 100% want to have kids in general. Someday.
- Or maybe it's 75%? Would it really be the end of the world to not have kids?
- No, I definitely want kids. At some point.
- I WANT A BABY NOW.
- Ew, babies are gross. Motherhood is gross. Bodies are gross. Pooping on the delivery room table is gross.
- But... yeah, I want a kid. Just not today.
- But shouldn't we just start trying? Because you never know?
- Jesus, what if I can't get pregnant?
- Maybe I should do some research.
- RESEARCHING FERTILITY IS TERRIBLE. DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN.
- Oh God, we definitely should start "trying."
- Ew, that phrase is gross.
- But Brian's going to be an awesome dad. I can't wait to see that.
- He's going to be a total pushover. I hope we have a girl who has his curly hair. She's going to hate me for that.
- Ew, soccer games. Helicopter parenting. Peanut allergies. Rice cereal.
- Well, I am NOT going to do all of that shit. I am going to be the coolest parent. None of that hyper-anxious bullshit for me.
- Should I read one of those books? Should I change my diet? Ugh, whatever. I'm cool the way I am, I don't need to prep for pregnancy. Hell, let's just do this.
- Ugh, I won't be able to take my precious meds. My asthma is going to freak out.
- [After reading blog posts about babies, looking at pictures of babies, seeing babies out in the world] Awwwww, I want a baby.
- I haven't gotten pregnant yet, even though we're not trying. That definitely probably means that I can't get pregnant at all.
- But holy shit, health insurance! My job! My husband doesn't have a job yet! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS?
- Seriously, how am I supposed to both work and have children?
- Why can't I just quit my job? I'll be a mommy blogger and spend my copious free time renovating my house, cooking gorgeous, healthy meals, and generally being fabulous. I'll go to the gym every day and I'll have a rockin' bod and a beautiful house.
- Ugh. That's not real. Besides, I make good money. I can't afford not to work and ain't nobody gonna pay me to blog. Or go to the gym.
- I want a puppy. Or a tiny pink pig!
- Would it be overkill to have a baby and get a puppy?
- Nursery decorating!
- I'm definitely ready. We should just start trying now.
So, yeah. I think I'm 100% certain that I'm ready to get pregnant about 30% of the time. So does the fact that I still am not 100% certain 100% of the time mean I should wait? Or, does the fact that I have moments of 100% certainty mean I'm ready, because it's never a perfect time, etc.?
It's all going to make sense at some point. I'll have this sweet little narrative about how I was so uncertain, and then something happened, and I became certain. Or whatever. But for now, the whole thing grosses me out/ fascinates me/ I can't wait/ never/ ew!
Source. (Pinterest - original source unknown.)
Are you ever really ready? How close to "ready" do you have to come before you know you're ready? Why do I keep repeating myself? Is it better to just get knocked up and figure it out later?